The Happy Carpenter

Welcome to France

Forwarded to me without attribution, but it sounds a lot like the Grouchy Cripple in Atlanta:

At a French airport...

A group of American retired teachers recently
went to France on a tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, was part of the tour group.

At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France
previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible!" barked the officer. "Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France."

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained.

"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

So true....n'est-ce pas?

By the way, d***head, you better practice your Arabic. You're gonna need it when you surrender to the Moo-slimes. By the way, Do you speak German? No? You're welcome.

Now go take a bath, Froggy, you're smelling up my site.

This one's for SAM

Dallas Airport: "Saudi Air 313. Permission granted to land Eastbound on runway 27L."

Saudi Airliner: "Thank you Dallas ATC....Cleared for Eastbound runway 27L. We will proceed - Allah be Praised !!"

Dallas Airport: "Tower to Iran Air 666 -- You are cleared to land Westbound on runway 27L."

Iran Airliner: "Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land Westbound on infidel's runway 27L. - Allah is Great !!"

(Pause: Static.............)

Saudi Air: "DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!"

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 313 !?!?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS!!!  WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!!    INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC: Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now, and tell Allah "hey" for us........... ya hear?.

Don't leave your boys alone

The Crystal Beach Talent Show

The Happy Wife and her fellow volunteers at the Crystal Beach Community Center put on a talent show for the neighborhood kinder last week, and it was a gas.  The Happy Kids came home with nice prizes, trophies, and ribbons, including a first place for the team of Noel & John. 

I've got a gross +/- of pictures from the event to the right under my photo albums at CBTalentShow.

UPDATE:

Winners

Weirdest  Talent:  Nick

9 and under

                                                                                    

1^st Place

:  Noel Thorp & John Tauber            

2^nd Place

:  Renee Thorp & Lauren Brown                              

3^rd Place

:  Brett                                                          

4^th Place

:  Renee Thorp, Cayla & Mc Kenzie Cumings, and Anya

10 and up

1^st Place

:  Megan Tauber, Rochelle Thorp, Meghan Figueira, & Cheyanne Figueira

2^nd Place:  Taylor Fisher, Nina Fisher, Paxton Brady, Jetta Brady & Jetta & Jared Marks

3^rd Place

: 

Willow

McGinty & Leah Jaffe

4^th Place

:  Jessica Palmer

                        

Talent Show Judges

Eric Greis

Debbie Barasso

Sarah

Go and get your Steyn - on Palestinians

As I mentioned earlier, I'm still reading The Haj by Leon Uris.  It's taking me forever to read the thing because it's so painful and because it's deja vu all over again switching between the novel and the news.  Steyn chimes in and points out a few new wrinkles, but clearly we're still far from the end game.  Maybe we should just give some terrorists a nuke so we can get this whole sorry show over with.

Classroom follies

TEACHER:  Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:    Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:    Maria.

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN:    K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:    Huh uh,  you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:     Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than  you are.

TEACHER:  Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE:   I is...
TEACHER:  No, Millie.... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE:   All right...  "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER:  George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.    Now,Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:    Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:    No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER:  Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.   Did you copy his?
CLYDE:    No, teacher, it's the same dog.

TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:   A teacher.

Weddings gone wrong.

These are always funny.

Download Wedding_Went_Wrong.wmv

Thanks to Trish the Dish.

The moderate Muslim

Yesterday, on the Laura Ingraham radio program, I finally heard one.  His first name was Mahmoud (forgive me if I butcher the spelling), he was some kind of elected Representative (R) from Boston, Mass., he was from Pakistan, and he was the soul of reason.

He talked for quite some length about how Islam really is the religion of peace, and he cited chapter and verse from the Koran and examples of good Muslim conduct from history.  Talk about a breath of fresh air.  I've had the feeling for years growing that guys like Mahmoud simply did not exist, that there was no group or faction on the other side to whom we could reach out, that we would be forced, sooner or later, to finish the crusades once and for all in thermonuclear fire.

Now maybe Mahmoud was full of it.  Certainly his interpretation of the Koran was different than what I've been hearing about since 9-11.  My point is not that Islam is really a littly fluffy kitten, but that maybe there's a fluffy kitten inside the man-eating tiger of Islam and maybe it can be engaged/encouraged/brought forth.  Maybe our efforts in the middle east have a chance.

We can always nuke 'em later.

In my spare time, I've been reading The Haj by Leon Uris, author of Exodus and QBIIV.  Mr. Uris was getting on in years when he wrote The Haj, and I suspect his research assistant did most of the actual writing because the writing is no where near as good as in his earlier work.  However, Uris' insight into the minds and motives of the characters of the middle east feels spot on.  He was writing about 1948 and the years around it, but he could just as easily be writing about today.  And the conclusion that comes to me is that the problem is not Islam so much as it is the Arab culture.  Man, what a bunch of sick puppies.  Psychotic through and through.  They may be able to pervert even democracy... time will tell.  What's that you say?  "Persians aren't Arab."  Yeah, I know.  So the problem is the ancient and primitive cultures of the mideast, or most of them... generalities slipping away... must find .... gasp....  EJECT EJECT EJECT

UPDATE:  Read the comments to this post.  More good news and some sincere thanks from The Happy Carpenter.

Is it hatred for the Jew or contempt for the Arab? Or both?

have a cuppa joe

From Mighty Mo:

Subject: Its the coffee

A group of alumni, early in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups -porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain  looking, some expensive, some  exquisite -telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

After all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself, adds no quality to the coffee in most cases, just more expensive, and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... and then began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God made the coffee, not the cup...........enjoy your coffee.

10-4 good buddy.