The Happy Carpenter

A former terrorist says

They bomb because they're horny.  That's just sick.  Amazing that they were allowed to print that in a Canadienne newspaper.

He leans back, takes a deep breath and moves to another area, one that he says is far too seldom discussed: "North Americans are too squeamish about discussing the obvious sexual dynamic behind suicide bombings. If they understood contemporary Islamic society, they would understand the sheer sexual tension of Sunni Muslim men...  But Islam also tells of unlimited sexual ecstasy in paradise with beautiful virgins for the martyr who gives his life for the faith. Don't for a moment underestimate this blinding passion or its influence on those who accept fundamentalism."

A pause. "I know. I was one who accepted it."

This partial explanation is shocking more for its banality than its horror. Mass murder provoked partly by simple lust. But it cannot be denied that letters written by suicide bombers frequently dwell on waiting virgins and sexual gratification.

"The sexual aspect is, of course, just one part of this. But I can tell you what it is not about. Not about Israel, not about Iraq, not about Afghanistan. They are mere excuses. Algerian Muslim fundamentalists murdered 150,000 other Algerian Muslims, sometimes slitting the throats of children in front of their parents. Are you seriously telling me that this was because of Israel's treatment of the Palestinians or American foreign policy?"

He's exasperated now, visibly angry at what he sees as a willful Western foolishness. "Stop asking what you have done wrong. Stop it! They're slaughtering you like sheep and you still look within. You criticize your history, your institutions, your churches. Why can't you realize that it has nothing to do with what you have done but with what they want."

You know, if you Google "72 virgins" you'll find a lot of funny stuff (which I won't share with you because my Mom reads this blog) but I guess it's not really funny after all.

OK, it's still funny.  The Bronx Cheer had this to contribute:

72 Questions about the 72 virgins

The Palestinian homicide/suicide bombers from the Islamic Jihad, Hamas, and Arafat's terrorist groups that blow themselves up are promised 72 virgins when they reach heaven.

Martin Bodek has 72 questions on how this whole virgin thing works. Here are the top 10:

1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?
2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?
3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?
4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?
5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?
6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?
7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?
8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?
9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?
10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?

VDH is getting frustrated with you

This is a very smart guy.  Maybe you should listen to him.

Christoher Hitchens is also frustrated, and would like you to remember a few things about James Baker's policies before the commission issues its findings:

In 1991, for those who keep insisting on the importance of sending enough troops, there were half a million already-triumphant Allied soldiers on the scene. Iraq was stuffed with weapons of mass destruction, just waiting to be discovered by the inspectors of UNSCOM. The mass graves were fresh. The strength of sectarian militias was slight. The influence of Iran, still recovering from the devastating aggression of Saddam Hussein, was limited. Syria was—let's give Baker his due—"on side." The Iraqi Baathists were demoralized by the sheer speed and ignominy of their eviction from Kuwait and completely isolated even from their usual protectors in Moscow, Paris, and Beijing. There would never have been a better opportunity to "address the root cause" and to remove a dictator who was a permanent menace to his subjects, his neighbors, and the world beyond. Instead, he was shamefully confirmed in power and a miserable 12-year period of sanctions helped him to enrich himself and to create the immiserated, uneducated, unemployed underclass that is now one of the "root causes" of a new social breakdown in Iraq. It seems a bit much that the man principally responsible for all this should be so pleased with himself and that he should be hailed on all sides as the very model of the statesmanship we now need.

$17 crude?

Is Israel close to producing crude from shale rock for $17 a barrel? 

If the Israelis can, then so can Canada, the United States, and many others (including, surprisingly, Jordan).  That would do a lot to change geopolitics, would it not?

Canada's reserves of shale oil alone are often quoted at several times that of Saudi Arabia's oil.  Imagine what crazy rich Canadians would do with all that petrol wealth.  The NHL would never be the same, eh?

Is it time for "Divide and Conquer"?

Krauthammer has concluded the Iraqis are incapable of Democracy and unworthy of our sacrifice.  Sisyphus says it's about time.

Well, let's posit that.  Assume Krauthammer and the rest are right.  The Iraqis are too busy killing each other for tribal gains to ever keep the republic we gave them at great expense.  It was nice thinking they were going to be our friends, that future Iraqi presidents would get with us much as the Japanese prime minister does now, but assume it's just not in the cards.  Now what do we do?

Confucius say "When in hole, first ---- stop digging!"  If we really are going to say our current plan isn't working, then we must change it.  Duh.

We could just pack up and leave right now.  It would take a few months to physically get all our troops and stuff home, but there's nothing stopping us from just giving them the finger and leaving.  Think on that.  We could just say "You're not worthy" and leave.  Then what?  Well, then a blood bath, obviously, with Iraq partitioned between Iran and Turkey in much the way Poland was between the good ol' SovU and Nazi Germany, with those plucky little al Q'uaeda boys bombing away in an attempt to seize the place for themselves.  After a few years, however it shakes out, you've got a big semi-industrial Afghanistan with lots of oil money and weapons of mass destruction (oh shut up).  Isn't that terrific?

Well, no.  It sucks.  That story ends with millions of dead Israelis and New Yorkers, followed by pretty much the entire population of Arabs and Persians.  Plus, India would get a lot of fallout from Mesopotamia.  I have a problem with that.  Presumably, the nice new Baker Commission will also have a problem with that. 

How to get around it?  It's easy to say "This is another fine mess you've gotten us into", but hard to come up with a plan C.

Iraq is an artificial nation, made by the Colonial Powers at the end of the Colonial Period, aka World War I, the collapse of the Ottoman Empire, yada yada yada.  We know all that.  We can't pay for the sins of our fathers by compounding their errors.  Iraq must be split into at least three nations.  The Kurds, with our help to protect them from the Turks, will do just fine.  I think a Kurdish President can sit down for coffee with a future American President no problem in a New York minute and with us still having New York City.  That's good.  The Turks won't like it, but they're the same Turks who prevented the 4th Infantry Division from going into the north of Iraq.  Screw the Turks.  While we're drawing lines on the map, we give the Kurds as much of the oil as they can keep.

We give the rest of the oil to the Shiites in the south and east.

We give the Sunnis nothing.  They had their chance and they blew it.  If the Shiites want to wipe the Sunnis out, why should we care any more about that than we care about Darfur or cared about Rwanda, Cambodia, et. al.?  They are unworthy of our sacrifice, remember?  So just sit back and watch a very bloody and energetic ethnic cleansing while doing just enough by hook and by crook to keep the Iraqi Shiites from hooking up with the Iranians.  Divide and conquer.  Those people are not our friends.  They don't like us and they don't want to be like us.  Rather, they want us dead and converted to Islam, in that order. 

Baghdad is a bit of a problem, being all ethnically mixed up, but remember your Monty Python:  "Cities do burn, you know."  From what I've seen, Baghdad would be no great loss.  Let everyone get out, then flatten it.  Too bad so sad.  You should have listened to the part about "No better friend.  No worse enemy."  (Although, the Marines are wrong about the second part; the worst enemy you can have is the USAF who will make you glow in the dark if given the chance.)

Keeping those two groups fighting will in fact be an important part of our new realistic plan.   If they're too busy killing each other to be killing us, then they won't be killing us.  Oh yeah, and while we're at it we take out the Iranian nuclear facilities with nice big nuclear warheads of our own.  I just don't think the Ayatollahs will get the message unless it's radioactive and megatonnage.  Remember, they're not worthy of our sacrifice and we don't want to see Tel Aviv or New York or Washington vaporized.  We're facing facts now, not wishing those people could be taught to play nice. 

Been there tried that got the knife in the back.

Will we do it?  Nah, we're not that hardened to the facts of war yet.  The Baker Commission will come up with something squishy, politically correct and half-measureish.  We will do it, but not until after we've lost Tel Aviv and New York, and maybe Washington DC as well.  This is what the war has been all about all along.  Maybe if we'd been upfront about what it was really all about, maybe that would have made the vital difference, but it isn't about "woulda coulda shoulda" anymore.  I'll miss New York and Tel Aviv, and cherry trees and the Jefferson Monument, but DC will be getting what it deserves.  If you're a lefty, you probably think we deserve to be nuked.  If you're a moderate, you probably think that the effort in Iraq failed because of poor planning.  If you're a righty, you probably think the effort failed because half our people never put their shoulder to the wheel.  Whatever.  That's not important any more.  Our Wilsonian adventure in Mesopotamia was doomed because the Muslims are mentally ill, murderous, and therefore unworthy of our sacrifice.

OK, we assumed the first point from which all the rest flowed:  The Iraqis are incapable of putting aside their murderous mentally ill Muslimness and making a Republic.  Are they?  Do we really think that?  Or is the truth more like this:

The Iraqis, like all peoples, are capable of decent behavior, but creating Republics and Democracy for them is going to be a lot harder and take a lot longer than we ever thought.

Then the obvious question is:  Is it worth it?  The obvious answer is "yes".  Of course it's worth any effort to prevent the annihilation of Tel Aviv, New York, Washington, Baghdad, Tehran, Damascus, etc.  But can it be done?  Can Armageddon be prevented?  Is it possible?  And how?

Well, I've got to cook breakfast for my kinder now.  Let's think about how to keep them alive and well.

WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REAL JOBS

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan'all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996 : "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton "

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too ugly to kiss good-bye." (Dead man walkin')

Let's try to play nice, y'all

Right is good

Listening to a guest host on Bill Bennett's Morning In America broadcast this morning, I heard it said that it was too bad that Representative Murtha was not chosen as House majority leader because that would have been good for the Republicans.

WRONG!

It's good for America that the Congress did not choose a heavily tainted Representative as Majority Leader.  What's good for America is good for Republicans.

Let's not go back to the kind of bitter partisanship that was just so damned painful during the Clinton administration.

Good questions - Was Rumsfeld wrong?

An essay from one of our experienced troops posits we need more troops and tells why.  Makes sense to me.  But in order to send more troops to Iraq, we need a bigger army; it is too much to ask our brave fighting men to stay overseas for the 10 years it might take to straighten out that cesspool.

First Lt. Pete Hegseth '03, left, with the mayor of Samarra, Iraq, and another soldier from the 101st Airborne Division.

History repeats itself

History repeats itself.

Go and get your Steyn

Steyn spot on, as per usual.

Hey Mom! I bet you'll be well enough to drive up here NOW! ;-)

Our latest project:  assembling, deploying, and harvesting stone crab traps!  Under Florida law, private individuals are permitted 5 traps each without any special license (although you do need a saltwater fishing license).  Stone crabs are a perfect food source, because besides being chock full of yummy goodness, they're also a renewable resource -- you only take the claw, and then the crab is returned to the wild where he promptly grows a new claw which you can take again!  And Mom loves 'em -- I think "stonies" are her favorite food.

The seas were running almost 4' when I put the traps out Sunday (I got seasick for the first time ever in my own boat), but this morning it was fairly calm and we brought in our first 5 claws.  Those traps, which have 1-1/2" of concrete in the bottom to keep the trap from moving around too much, are heavy lemme tell you, but worth the effort.

Sorry, no pictures yet.  Next time I'll bring an extra crewman/girl to photograph the action.